I present a tribute to George Carlin, a truly great individual.
- The very existance of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."
- When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
- Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
- Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
- I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
- I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
- I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
- Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
- Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.
- You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
- I don’t have pet peeves — I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!
- I never fucked a ten, but one night, I fucked five twos.
- What year did Jesus think it was?
- And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National Institute of Pancakes: It reads, and I quote, “Fuck waffles.”
- The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
George Carlin 1937-2008
So long, George and thanks for the funny. The Leeman will miss you.
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