Happy Halloween... now gimme some sugar, baby...

Happy Halloween!

Halloween is my favorite holiday. Normally, I'd be partying my ass off, but this year is low-key.

Tonight I'm gonna kick back at Club Leebo, dish out some candies (maybe, I can count how many trick or treaters have come by my house in 9 years on one hand) and watch ARMY OF DARKNESS and BUBBA HO-TEP. Nothing says Halloween like a Bruce Campbell double feature.
AND BIRTHDAY WISHES TO BDN - MUCH GOOD TIDINGS TO YOU ON YOUR BIRTHDAY, MY FRIEND.

Have a good one.

LEEBO'S POLITICAL PHILOSIPHY

In the interest of those who think I'm a either a die-hard liberal, a conservative-bashing idiot, an independant thinker who just happens to be slightly retarded or just a really uninformed asshole.... let me just say that all of those scenarios are only partially true.

So, once and for all, this is how I see the political, social, and economic landscape. Listen up, because I aint doing this again.

The Corporations run the Lobbyists
The Lobbyists run the Politicians
The Politicians run the country based on what the Corporations want
The Lobbyists tell the Politicians what the Corporations want
The Politicians do whatever the Lobbyists who laced their pockets want
Doesn’t matter if they are Republicans or Democrats or Republicrats
None of them give a shit about you
NONE OF THEM GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOU

NONE OF THEM GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOU.

Vote Republican.

Vote Democrat.

It really doesn't matter. you should vote, but it really doesn't matter.

This is how the country works.
Everybody in their club gets fat and rich
But it’s an exclusive club
And you aint in it.
And I aint in it
It’s an exclusive club
And we aint in it

THIS JUST IN: Buffalo Sucks!

Figure 55: Joey Porter displays his gigantic cakehole... and for a change he's backing it up!

Dolphans.... it's true. We BEAT The hated Buffalo Bills.

Let me clarify that: we BEAT them. It wasn't that the Bills (5-2) lost. They were BEATEN. By the Dolphins (3-4).

Say it. BEATEN.

Feels good, doesn't it?

Of course, the talking heads in the sports media will, again, ignore the fact that the Dolphins are on the rise. That the Phins have solidly beaten 3 really good teams. That the minds behind this organization have a solid plan.

Joey Porter has 10 1/2 sacks on the year. Ronnie Brown has been a big-time player. Chad Pennington has one of the highest QB percentages in the NFL. The defense (when it shows up) shows up. And OMG, Ted Ginn Jr., what a MONSTER day. Could Cam Cameron have been right about him? Who cares? Cam Cameron is gone and besides, he's a wuss. Screw Cam Cameron and everybody who looks like Cam Cameron. And if you look like Cam Cameron, you have big problems. You should smash your face into a wall.

The mainstream media will not tell you that this team is going places. ESPN certainly won't mention it, as it has nothing to do with the view of what's going on from inside Brett Farve's colon.

ESPN is a joke. ESPN should stand for Expertly Sucking the Pee-pee of Number 5.

But, listen here.

The culture is changing in Miami.

If this keeps up, they may even get some asses in some seats.

You can Tuna a piano, and with apologies to Little Feat, you CAN Tuna Phish!

GO DOLPHINS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today is Mike Guerdon's 63rd birthday, and this is where I wish I was buying him a cold, frothy one today.

By the way, the phrase "cold, frothy one" could also apply to Mike Guerdon himself.

However, I assure you, dear reader (and you know who you are, because I sure don't), that Ye Old Falcon Pub will grace the legenary presense of The Grud and Leebo show (featuring that exciting new young sensastion The Jimmer) very soon.

And I assure you, my old friend and comrade Mike Guerdon, that I will purchase you a birthday libation. And we will sing manly songs and we will share manly stories from our manly past.

Happy Birthday, Mike Guerdon. I love ya, brutha.

I will now proceed to beat yer ass on the Grudiron. Yer a gock.

Dan and Naomi's Infinite Playlist

Aside from your Miami Dolphins sucking for air against the Ravens, yesterday was a pretty good day.

I went over to good folk Reid and Mel’s place and watched the Phins game. It’s nice to hang out with a fellow Dolphan (Mel) and we can suffer together. Plus, Reid isn’t a Dolphins fan, but we make him watch the game and suffer, so it’s really win-win.

I really don’t know what to make of the Phins right now. I’m very disappointed they weren’t up for this game, with Cam Cameron coming back and all. This team should have collectively punched him in the mouth. All I really know is that we are playing very inconsistent football right now. That much is painfully obvious.

Dan got to hang out with Phellow Phin Phan Naomi, though, so it wasn’t all bad. That big, lovable goof has the biggest cranium I’ve ever seen on a dog. She rocks.


Later Dano went to the Bucs game, where they honored Mike Allstott for his years with the Buc-os. Number 40 is one of my favorite players ever in the NFL, and it was nice to hear Gene Deckerhoff say one last time: “Allstott up the gut… TOUCHDOWN TAMPA BAY!”

A nice tribute to a nice guy, a type of player the NFL desperately needs more of, I raise my glass to The A-Train, Number #40, Mike Alstott.

After the Bucs trounced the Seahawks, they put the Rays game on every TV at Raymond James Stadium and most everyone stayed and watched the Tampa Bay Rays win the AL Championship and claim a birth in the 2008 World Series.

Now, I’m not a baseball fan, but I have to admit, being at the Rayjay and watching that happen with all the fans was really just an incredibly good vibe. I dug it.

And so, I break character from by baseball hating ways, and become a good guy and a citizen of the community for once.... I say this now and for the record….. and Basenji Mom, this one is solidly for you, baby…..I say, with feeling…..

GO RAYS!

NOTE TO BASENJI MOM: Wow, that wasn't really that difficult. I don't even feel dirty. :)

Political nonsense from the uneducated and semi-drunk voter all politicians fear...

A long while back, when I started this blog thing, I wrote a post about voting for Barack Obama.

My reasons had nothing to do with him as a politician, a leader, a Senator, or whatever. I didn’t know his positions on anything and I didn’t care. My sole purpose for voting for him was, and is now, the same as it was in that post: I thought his name had a belchability quality about it that I found tremendously appealing.

So, after all this time of belching BARACK and the occasional OBAMA (when I can get that part out), I still find my reasoning somewhat accurate.

Belching John McCain’s name is no fun, and Sarah Palin, while you can belch her full name rather quickly, leaves you still with a certain amount of gas left over. I believe the same can be said for her candidacy as well.

There’s more to it now, though. Things are different. Things suck.

Geroge Dubya Bush has all but destroyed this country. And it’s a shame. We used to be pretty cool. Now even Canadians hate us.

Canadians!

Do you know how far you have to push a Canadian to get him that pissed off? You literally have to stab most Canadians in the leg multiple times and set them on fire just to get a rise out of them.

I’m sorry, but anyone who tries to convince me that the Republican Party is the Justice League of Change Agents is full or crap.

I see McCain ads saying “CHANGE IS COMING” and I find myself thinking, Goddamn, I hope so, and I prepare to vote for Obama. I’ll vote for anyone who’s not part of the clusterfuck party that has destroyed our credibility, our economy, our civil and foreign defense capability and basically everything we used to stand for that was any good.

Don’t get me wrong, in the words of the great George Carlin, I love this country and all the liberties we used to have…. But I see a lot of 400,000 dollar houses with MCCAIN/PALIN signs out front. I see lower to middle class houses with the OBAMA/BIDEN signs. I wonder which of the two have suffered more… oh yeah, my parents lost $40,000 dollars in their 401K when the stock market crashed. On who's watch did that happen?

I see in John McCain a washed up hack who’s made a bargeload of money in the last 8 years off of Dubya’s failed policies. And he looks into the camera and smiles and calls himself a maverick. Maverick, my ass. You’re 72 years old. You're one of the criminals who has sold out this country and put it in a stranglehold with your Fatcat Lobbyist-induced policies.

I’m in awe of the bullshit when McCain calls people “Washigton fatcats” What the hell is he? He’s so obviously full of it that it's laugh-inducing. Who does he think he’s fooling? Has the Alzheimer’s finally kicked in? If it has, it would still make him smarter than Dubya.

He makes me sick. If I hear him use the phrase “my friends” anymore I’m going to do the Techno-color Yawn. I’m not John McCains friend. John McCain, I respect you as a man and for your service to this country, when you and your party weren’t too busy killing it. I’m talking about the military service/torture part, I respect you for that. Now, FUCK YOU.

And if he wins and dies in office (and he will die. Soon.) Sarah Palin becomes President. She who can rip the heart from a moose, show the moose it’s still-beating heart, and eat the heart in front of the moose before the moose dies.

I stole that joke from Jon Stewart. Proudly. Anyhoo…

…there’s something shady about Sarah Palin too. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I do know that I would like to be in a threesome with her and Tina Fey. This alone makes her completely unqualified to be President of the United States. And it also disqualifies me and Tina Fey as well.

I’m not even really a fan of Joe Biden. Weak belchability in his name. Weak names equal weak candidates. Plus, he’s an idiot.

But I’m voting for Obama. We need anything other than the 8 years of what we have had. I hope we don’t regret it. But after watching the news, it’s hard to think that we will.

And besides his superior belchability among the candidates, there’s another reason I am voting for him as well.

I get tremendously offended when the Republicans look at us, as voters, in the eye and try to tell us everything’s gonna be ok with them at the helm.

The ones who flew the goddamn plane into the goddamn mountain are trying to tell me they’re the best pilots on Earth. And with a twinkle in their eye and a big shit-eating grin… they expect me to buy into it.

And they expect you to buy into to it too, “my friends”.

Fuck them. I’m voting for massive change.

And the belch thing.

C'mon.

I'm The Leeman.

DOLPHANS, ALL IS WELL and other ominous warnings from The Duder

Much to get to.

I haven’t been on this blog in a week.

Not because of anything dramatic or obtuse, just mainly because I’VE BEEN FREAKING BUSY, OK?

Yeesh.

OK, to quote Josh Randall, let’s go.

- Do not fear, Dolphans, the Texas edged out one. We’re still heading in the right direction. Think about last year and Sunday’s game looks like the Super Bowl. With Hot Chicks. And Beer and Chips. And Dip. We have good football people running this team, and the new crazy-ass Wildcat formation still has its gimmick luster. For now. It’ll get figured out. We’re fine. Sit back and enjoy the ride.

- On the Grudiron: my yearly battle with Grudly Mankinko on The Grudiron finds us tied at 52 games each. I need 34 points or less on the Monday Nighter. We both have the G-Men beating the Browns tonight. Mike Guerdon…. I shall defend my rightful title of the Grudiron… and at the end of the season…. I shall remain Champion. If ya smell…. What The Leeman’s cookin’. Oh, and yer a gock.

- Frisky Friskenson, the friskiest girl I know…. Wherever you are when you read this…. Know this: you’re the friskiest girl I know. Thanks for being my fucking lady friend, man.

- AN OPEN COMMENT TO BDN: The clink will happen soon. I need to get with you on that. Expect my people to contact your people. Let get this deal done, son. OK.

- I am currently downloading pics from LEEBO DOES AMERICA 2008 and will post some soon. I got some gems. I’m still recovering. What an awesome experience.

- Mike Guerdon gave me Al Davis fodder. Who am I not to share it? From the good folk at BANG! Cartoons.

I think that’s everything. I need a beverage.

HOW 'BOUT THEM DOLPHINS?

It's not a dream.

It's not an illusion.

Your Miami Dolphins just beat both teams that were in the AFC Championship Game last year.

Patriots. Chargers. Not exactly lightweights, Dude.

Both beaten Soundly. By your Miami Dolphins.

Chad Pennington is one of the most accurate passers in the NFL.

Ronnie Brown is on fucking FIRE.

The defense is one helluva pleasant suprise.

The Wildcat formation is innovation and supreme game calling. Our coaching staff and organization is comprised of REAL FOOTBALL MEN.

We beat the Patsies.

We beat the Chargers.

We beat their asses.

Not "they lost to the Dolphins". No.

We beat them. Solidly.

1-15? A distant memory.

Cam Cameron? A fleeting moment worth forgetting.

Nick Saban? A proven poser. Fuck him and everybody who looks like him.

Your Miami Dolphins have turned the corner.

They're having fun. They've got some swagger.

And they're winning games. Against good teams.

Long-suffering Dolphins fans, the time has come. The Tuna has arrived with Coach Tony Soprano and he's gonna have every other opposing team whacked. HOWYOULIKEUSNOW?

All you nay-syers, all you bums who show no repsect for a good young team heading in the right direction, The Leeman says this to you now:

The Miami Dolphins are back.

Game on, bitch.

GO DOLPHINS!

LEEBO DOES AMERICA 2008: The Dan Marino Edition

My buddy, Raj, gave me a Dan Marino action figure (It's not a doll.... it's an ACTION FIGURE) on my recent trip to BC. When I drove back, I got the crazy idea in Spokane that I should take pictures of it along the trip. Raj and Manlin asked me to check in with them along the way to make sure I was OK, so I would send these to them via e-mail to let them know that all was well.

It's kinda like those people who kidnap lawn gnomes and take pictures of them around the world and then return them to the yards they found them, with the pictures.

I wish I had thought of the idea sooner, but that's ok. I'll be doing The Dan Marino Edition periodically during my travels from now and and posting them, if for no other reason than I'm a complete idiot.

So, here was Leebopalooza 2008 through Dan's eyes. Click on the pic to embiggen it. If anything, it should prove one thing: that Dan Marino kicks major ass.

Dan in Spokane, Wa.

Dan at the Idaho National Forest.

Dan in Billings, Montana.

Dan at The Little Big Horn Battlefield and National Monument, Crow Agency, MO.

Dan in Rapid City, South Dakota, tasting the rainbow.

Dan at Mount Rushmore in South Dakota. That's 5 great Americans, right there.

Dan at the Crazy Horse Memorial in South Dakota.

Dan paying his respects to The King at Graceland in Memphis. Thankyewverymuch.

Dan in Gautier, MS.

Dan at Home in Lakeland, FL.

I'd like to thank The Lallys and SunnyRidge for making this particular piece of comedic retardation happen. More to come, as LEEBO DOES FLORIDA: The Dan Marino Edition will probably be popping up at a messed up blog near you.

In the meantime, to quote Dan The Man, pick a guy and let it fly. See ya!

Your Miami Dolphins

Well, your Miami Dolphins are 1-2, thus matching their complete win total from last season in just three games. Very good.

The manhandling of the Patriots last week was one big, bright spot of hope. Miami TOTALLY kicked the shit out of the Patsies on every side of the damn ball. Awesome.

Outwitted, outplayed, and out-coached, the Patsies flounded like, well, fish, and we totally kicked their asses.

And yet, the media, instead of giving Miami major props on the win, are all up in the "what happened to the Patriots" bandwagon. Well LISTEN UP. What happened is THE PATRIOTS GOT THEIR ASSED KICKED. PERIOD.

If we beat San Diego this week, we might just have some believers.

Including me.

GO PHINS!

Oh, and I'd also like to take this opportunity to say that Al Davis sucks. Thank you.