I FEEL SAFE IN NORTH CAROLINA, PART 2

So... I'm driving the great PT Cruiser named Serenity back to the hotel around 10:30pm, after my 16 hour stressful day, through the dark and winding back roads of Nowhere, North Carolina.

One of my biggest fears is running into a deer. I've been told "If you want to see deer around here, drive fast." So, I am driving nice and slow.

And I come around the corner and there one is. The first (live) deer I've seen the entire time I have been here. That's counting last year too.

I've seen a lot of deer here staring at me from various walls. This is the first one I have ever seen actually breathing. And I'm grateful, not just for the opportunity, but for the fact that he's not on my current body count tally (See post "An impressive body count").

He's standing in the middle of S.R. 210 just looking at me. I stop and stare right back. He's a majestic looking animal, big ol' antlers and eyes glowing in my lights. He's actually quite beautiful.

I find myself asking why someone would want to shoot such a fine looking animal. I'll have to ask whoever owns the establishment who's wall that deer's head will grace in the future that very question later on.

So I edge Serenity closer and he bounds in to the woods. Wow.

I continue my 28 mile journey to the hotel, driving slowly, driving slowly. My head is poundng and it feels like someone has a huge clamp on the back of my neck. It's been a very stressful day. I need sleep. I need truck drivers out of my life.

I get to the intersection of S.R. 210 and S.R. 41 and who is there to greet me? That's right, your friendly neighborhodd stiff-ass North Carolina State Troopers. Four of them to be exact. One on each corner of the intersection.

Now I have noticed one thing about the cops around here. They are all stiff. I mean really stiff. Stick-up-the-ass-go-to-church-3-times-on-Sunday-no-sense-of-humor-watch-a-lot-of-C-Span stiff.

The policeman walks up to my car and I roll the window down, resisting any tired attempt at humor and instantly chucking the "Got any tickets to the Ball?" joke to the mental weeds.

He asks me to get out of the car. I comply. He asks for my license, I give it to him. He walks around my car, giving it and my Florida license the serious once-over.

He hands my license back. "You been drinking this evening, sir?" he asks.

"No sir, I've been working." I reply.

"Working?"

"Yes, sir. On the blueberry farm. Late night tonight."

"Where you heading?" he asks.

"Days Inn Elizabethtown, sir. I've had a long day and I have to be up early tomorrow. I have a date with my pillow."

Now at this point, he looks me up and down. He literally looks me up and down. I felt like meat.

Then he says "You have a safe weekend, sir."

"I'm working all weekend, officer, I don't really have a choice," I reply.

Allright, maybe I didn't resist all attempts at humor.

But the look on his face proved one thing I already knew.

Many people in North Carolina don't find me very amusing.