My Greatest Piece of Comedic Jackass

Sometimes in comedy, as in life, one finds inspiration. Inspiration that can inspire some real comedic jackass.

Many people consider this one of my finer comedic ballbustings. Others yell at clouds.

A while back, a friend of mine (his name really isn't Jerry Jabroni, so let's use his real name, Reid Ratajeski) "had" to take his girlfriend to a Bon Jovi concert instead of going out and slamming brews with the boys.

And though there's nothing wrong taking your girlfriend somewhere, taking anyone you claim to love to a Bon Jovi concert universally proves you truly love no one, including yourself. Jeez, have some standards.

So of course, in mock drunken rage (the rage part was mock, not the drunk part) I sent an e-mail to him and all of our friends, and it has become a bit of legend amongst us. I submit it for your entertainment, or at the very least, I'm greatful for the opportunity to kill one minute of your life. Oh, and you'll never get that back, by the way.

The contents of said famed e-mail is as follows. Enjoy.

REID'S LIVING ON A PRAYER

Lord, I apologize,

For staying up half the night,

And busting Reid Ratjeski's balls,

For going the Jon Bon Jovi concert.

Lord, I apologize,

That Bon Jovi has an Arena Football Team.

They got beat last week, By the Orlando Predators,

Final score Orlando 47, Bon Jovi 33

God's will, I guess.

Good for Him.

Lord, I apologize,

For that guy who said,

"We have met the enemy and he is us."

What he should have said was:

"We have met the enemy and he is Jon Bon Jovi".

Lord, I apologize,

When every girl in the Bon Jovi audience,

will either make Reid's date,

look really, really young,

or really, really old.

Lord, I apologize,

For when Bon Jovi hits that easy riff,

On "Living on a prayer",

Possibly the lamest rock song ever made,

And Reid Ratajeski's toe, will tap, just little,

And his soul will die,

Just a little.

Lord, I apologize,

When Reid wishes he had "washboard abs",

Like Jon Bon Jovi,

Instead of "cardboard abs",

Like Reid Ratajeski.

Lord, I apologize,

For that sensation Reid will get...

It will feel like, a mouth full of bubble gum,

And he will realize,

He is chewing

On Jon Bon Jovi.

Lord, I apologize,

That this will be the best concert That Reid has ever seen,

Next to Village People reunion In Tampa, in 1994

He was a younger man then

He made bad choices

He just wanted to be "The Indian".

Lord, I truly do apologize,

That men have do stupid things

like take their dates

To Jon Bon Jovi

Because there is only one way

To make Jon Bon Jovi suck worse

And that way

Is to clone him.

Lord, I apologize,

When Reid will see Bon Jovi's crotch,

And inadvertently wonder,

If his package is bigger

Than Kip Winger's.

Lord, I apologize,

That I have nothing better to do,

Than this.

Sad.

But it could be worse.

I could be seeing,

Jon Bon Jovi.

Lord, I apologize.

Reid, I apologize.

I've just had way too much fun with this. :)
--- Leeboski