Fare Thee Well, NC, and it's about freakin' time.

I am very pleased to announce that today is my last full day in North Carolina.

I am going to stop by the farm for a few tomorrow and then I am heading home. And as soon as the PT points south, I'm not stopping except for fuel and pee breaks. THE LEEMAN IS LEAVING THIS PLACE AND GOING THE F HOME.

Normally I'd stop somewhere on the way and hang for a night, but July 4th is the day after tomorrow and not only do I not want to deal with that traffic, I want to be on the Gulf coast ASAP. Me and my pal The Stallion are gonna head to Gator's On The Pass on Treasure Island for the 4th and get hammered and blow stuff up. There's no place I'd rather be right now.

And there's no place I'd rather not be than here in southeastern North Carolina. I got to hang in Wilmington last night at one of my favorite joints, Fat Tony's, and it still lost its luster. I'm just so ready to leave the rednecks and deer heads and deer carcasses and asshole cops and convience stores that don't sell beer and are out of coffee.... well, I just want them in my rearview mirror, thankyouverymuch.

I've seen much on this 7 week NC trip.

I’ve seen Deer. Lots of deer.

I’ve seen a bear. Stephen Cobert is right to fear them.

I’ve seen drunk Mexicans. I’ve even been confused as one by local NC law enforcement.

I’ve seen local law enforcement. What a buncha stiff-ass, dickless, overcompensating, profiling pansies.

I saw a werewolf drinking a pina collada at Trader Vic’s. His hair was perfect.

I’ve seen truck drivers. Stupid, jackass truck drivers. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate them on this blog?

I saw a horsefly that was bigger than the horse. The crazy old lady was holding one the size of a golf ball up at my office window and laughing. Surreal. Very Bubba Ho-Tep.

I’ve seen a liquor store in Elizabethtown, NC closed at 8pm on a Saturday night. I really wanted that drink. Bastards.

I’ve seen Elizabethtown. I’m so over it.

I’ve seen The Incredible Hulk. I loved it. I’ve seen Indiana Jones. I liked it.

I’ve seen people drink cloudy water. It changes to clear water in about a minute. I’ll just have a Pepsi, thanks.

I’ve seen Tim Russert and George Carlin pass on. Why are the good people we need passing on?

I saw a lot of blueberries. I’ve seen 420,000+ flats of blueberries packed at one facility in one season. Most places that pack that much fruit have a support staff of several people. I had me and a Mexican guy who may or may not understand what I am saying. Been a long season.

I’ve seen 5 weeks straight of at least 15 hour workdays.

I saw Randy Orton legitimately break his collarbone on the WWE pay-per-view with a bunch of drunk Mexicans. Randy Orton couldn’t be more boring if he broke his collarbone. Wait, he did break his collarbone. BORRRRRING.

I’ve seen a big, fat North Carolina crimson moon in a big, fat sky full of stars. Nice. The sleep deprivation made it seem positively dreamy.

I’ve seen me and my car become the Angel of Death. Leebo’s Roadkill Circus is currently: 3 birds, a squirrel, an angry hornet, a frog and two snakes. Hey, they throw themselves at your car. Even the snakes. If I lived here I might kill myself too.

I’ve seen myself consume a lot of Melvyn’s burgers, but not as many as I’d like. Unfotunately, the only place to do this is Elizabethtown, NC. I'll sacrifice the burgers, thanks.

I’ve seen very little sleep. But I'll sleep tonight.

The Leeman’s goin’ home. For a week anyway.

Then it's off to BC.

My life is really strange.