Apologies to Geroge, More People Who Ought To Be Killed

When you steal bits, steal from the best, in this case, the late, great George Carlin. So, without a lot of fanfare and intro… this is, just simply....a list of people who oughta be killed.

Here’s a small list of misfits who oughta be thrown screaming from a helicopter:

People who sit by the side of the road – Ya ever drive down the highway and just see somebody sitting there? Not somebody waiting for a ride or waiting on a bus… somebody just sitting there… by the side of the road. What could they be thinking? What in the blue hell could compel someone to do that? For one thing, someone could throw anything out of their car at you, which is precisely what I want to do when I see them. If I didn’t feel my bowling ball to be a precious commodity, well … BAM, right in the kisser. Or….they could get run over, which is the other thing I want to do when I see them. Either way, people who sit by the side of the road deserve to be killed. Why? BECAUSE THEY’RE SITTING BY THE SIDE OF THE ROAD.

People who have their underwear hanging out the back of their droopy pants – People who do this should wear a sign that says “I’m so unoriginal and lame that I buy into the so-called fashion of corporate hip-hop America and I’m also dumb enough to think that most people will think I’m cool”. Well, guess what? You’re not. You’re just another dumbass who’s too stupid to work the zipper. They used to have a name for kids who did this: RETARDED. Most kids that did this back in the day sat alone because everyone knew they shit on the school bus. You’re not cool, you’re retarded, and you’re letting us all know you’re retarded. People who wear their pants like this deserve nothing less than a wedgie from Godzilla.

People with tattoos only on their ankles – Actually, I don’t have much of a problem with these people, but I can’t help but think when I see them that they didn’t have the balls to get a tattoo anywhere else and probably didn’t want one in the first place, but they were peer-pressured into it, possibly by someone with their underwear hanging out the back of their droopy pants.

People who spike their hair – Now, this one just drives me nuts. Everybody is doing this. I saw a picture of Gary Oldman with spiked hair. This is some kind of style now and my question is WHY? When you do this, you either look like you’ve been electrocuted or someone has hung you upside down over a toilet and given you the dreaded “Swirlie”. You don’t look cool, YOU LOOK LIKE YOU’VE GOTTEN A SWIRLIE.

That guy who sells Oxy-Clean on TV - That guy just irritates me. And didn’t his hair used to be greyer? He Grecianed it up to the point where now he looks like he’s wearing a Commander Riker Star Trek mask. Now his beard is really weird. Plus… he’s just too happy. Fuck him and everybody who looks like him (Except Commander Riker. He’s pretty cool.).

People who protest march – Maybe I’m not very idealistic, but I don’t know how people walk around with signs protesting things. I could never do it. Don’t they know that protest marches never work? People, governments and corporations are gonna do what they want anyway. What a waste of a good Saturday. I once walked by a protest march in front of an abortion clinic and a pretty girl who was part of the march said to me “Sir, would you join us and pray for an end to abortion?” I pulled down the Leebo shades, smiled at her and said “Darlin’, I’d rather go solo and pray for an end to stupidity”.

There you go.