Here's looking at you Natalie's!

(Figure NAT-1: Natalie has a big sign with her name on it. She also refers to your cheating wood.)

Perhaps it's only fitting that my first post of 2011 is all about Natalie's.

Natalie's is a wonderful place. Nestled snugly off of South Florida Avenue in Lakeland, it is a haven and hangout for a lot of folk, me included.

Natalie's, not by coincidence, is run by Natalie.

I used to go to school with her back in the day. Lakeland High School (LHS) Dreadnaught, Class of 83, thank you very much.

Flash back with me, won't you? Back to that most interesting of times, the 1980's.

We didn't talk much in High School, Nat and I. You see, she was an insanely beautiful and popular debutant. By contrast, I was a resident nerd who spent more time skipping class and partying under the bleachers than fraternizing with beautiful debutantes. Years later, reflecting upon that, I've come to the conclusion that this might have been bad planning on my part.

By using the word "debutant", I don't mean to imply that Natalie was stuck up or anything, quite the contrary. She once smiled and waved to me as some guys were stuffing me into a locker. (I've used that joke a hundred times but this is the first, and strangely enough, last time I've ever put it on the Internet.)

So, even though we weren't really friends in the high school days, I, like the rest of the male population at LHS, thought she was insanely beautiful, and my opinion on that particular point as not changed at all since then.

Flash forward, won't you? Several years later.

With Lakeland High School literally years in my rearview mirror, I spend my time wandering about the landscape looking for whatever the hell it is I'm looking for and can't find. During this pilgrimage, I walk into the only place in the universe that real men consider That Most Holy of Shrines. I refer, of course, to the cultural phenomenon that is Hooters.

As I sit at the bar and try to figure it all out (a practice I still employ and have not really gotten any better at with time), appearing there before me, in full Hooters uniform (if you consider that “full”), is Natalie.

I consider this a good thing. Since Hooters’ inception, I have always believed that beautiful women look great in a Hooters uniform and my opinion on that particular point has not changed at all since then.

So, it was nice to be re-introduced to her at that time. Our conversations were regulated to the standard Hooters-girl-works-the-customer gimmicks, though. As I said before, we weren't exactly old friends from the High School days. It was the usual banter between waitress and customer.

She probably doesn’t remember those conversations. To be honest, I can’t remember them myself. I do know that, in my usual drunken state, I never wanted those conversations to seem like I was trying to pick her up, which, of course, I was. Me and everyone else in the place.

So, Nat's a Hooters chick, then later, a Hooters Manager. After her promotion, I immediately noticed that Hooters Managers wore more clothing. It might have been a promotion for her, but it was clearly a demotion for the rest of us.

Flash forward, won't you? Several more years.

There's this place off South Florida Avenue. No one has been able to make it work. It’s been a sports bar, a seafood place, etc., etc. It's been everything. Every place that has tried to do business there has met with failure and defeat. Kinda like the Dolphins this year.

Enter Natalie.

Natalie dreams. Nat wants her own place. She wants that place. That place on South Florida Avenue. The place no one else has made successful. She wants to make it work. She wants that place, a place where her friends and family and future friends and future family can go and hang out and have fun. She wants her name on the sign and she wants to run it her way. She wants to make some money. And she wants to wear more clothing. Clearly, a demotion for the rest of us.

Her and hers (By now, she has built a small armada of friends and family) set forth to achieve the goal. They negotiate and buy. They spend a lot of money. They sweat. They have fun, sometimes not. They work their asses off. They sacrifice and build.

Finally, Day One. Natalie's is born. There was much rejoicing. Or so I assume. I wasn't there.

Flash forward to a few days after Day One. It's not a request this time. You've read this far. You're invested.

With Lakeland High School literally decades in my rearview mirror, I spend my time wandering about the landscape looking for whatever the hell it is I'm looking for and can't find. I emerge dramatically from the smoke and fog and enter into the front door of Natalie's dream.

Actually, upon further review, it was the side door. I parked on the side.

(Figure NAT-2: The side of Natalie's. Not to be confused with inside of Natalie's.)

I had been in the building before when it was other things. I belly up to the bar and take a gander. Looked cool, but something was different. What was it? Oh yeah, there were people in the place. That was unusual. Most times I walked in that building it was empty. I'm not a business major, but I'm pretty sure having actual paying customers is a great way to stay in business.

Nat has people. Nat knows people. Those people know people. Nat's place has a great vibe. Word gets around. More people come. There is much rejoicing. At Nat's, there usually is.

Flash forward to now.

I said Natalie's has a great vibe. It does. "Vibe" really is the word that expresses it. You can't manufacture a vibe. It takes place naturally, based on the fun and personalities that inhabit the place. I truly think Nat’s has the best vibe of any place in Lakeland. That's why there are people in there.

Good food can be found there too. The Hutch pizza.... to die for. It's a simple menu, which is good. I don't need complicated food. I have enough complications in my life. Even my Dad liked the food. A compliment to the chef of somewhat galactic proportions.

The atmosphere at Natalie's is friendly. You can get a hug and a smile, usually from someone attractive, which helps. If you want a hug and a smile from someone unattractive, well, it can probably be arranged. They're accommodating, if nothing else.

Speaking of attractive, I would be totally remiss if I did not mention the stunning Natalie's Girls, a bevy of beauty and talent the like of which this town has rarely seen. They are magnificent and likeable, each and every lovely one of them. One of these days I'm going to get a picture of me with a shot of Crown surrounded by these sirens, but I can't figure out how to ask them without it sounding like I'm trying to pick up all of them, which of course, I am. Me and everyone else in the place.

That's the great part about Natalie's: they’ve not just created a great bar/restaurant, they’ve created a comfortable locale with a really great vibe, all waiting for you, just off South Florida Avenue. It is a unique and wonderful thing.

It's a haven, an oasis, a speakeasy, a happening, a gathering, a hangout.... It's all that and more. How great is it? Her employees (and her) hang out there in their off hours. That fact alone speaks volumes about the place and outclasses other corporate, soulless places by leaps and bounds.

One of my best friends said to me once "Only Natalie could have pulled this off." And while I surmise Kenny might have helped a little, I believe that.

I like hanging out at there. And even though Natalie and I didn't talk much in High School, we talk now like old friends from those days. Which, of course, we are.

(Figure NAT-3: Nat knows if she takes a picture with me, I'll leave her the hell alone.)

Last and certainly not least, I bestow my ultimate compliment to Natalie's. And I don't mean the ZETA7 tag hanging in the place, which in and of itself is pretty dang cool.

Figure NAT-4: We miss you, ZETA7....

See…Natalie's has THE DANK. It has The Dank IN SPADES.

And those who know me know how much I love The Dank. And those that don't know what The Dank is should probably click here and get educated.

This post got a little long-winded, but I feel kind of passionate about Natalie's. I hope it outlasts us all.

Perhaps it's only fitting that my first post of 2011 is all about Natalie's. Because I love the joint. I plan on drinking a LOT of Crown there this year.

So, Natalie, stock up, my friend. A fellow Dreadnaught is thirsty, and we can't have that, can we?

Cheers.