THE PARTY AVENGER ADRESSES THE BODY POLITIC

Hi. Avenger here.

Where am I again?

Oh yeah. Here.

I’m told we had an election.

Leebo says we have a new President. At least, that’s what I think he said.

I was in kind of a haze.

I oughta check that out.

I’ve saved all the newspapers from the last few months.

Let me thumb through these… let’s see…

… Oh, Mitt Romney’s out?

Good. He sucks.

Hmmmm, Huckabee’s out too. Chuck Norris likes him.

I don’t like the sumbitch, but I’d never tell Chuck that.

Let’s just go to the top of the pile.

Huh! Obama/Biden vs. McCain/Palin.

IN A STEEL CAGE!

Sorry, I can never resist that joke.

Mmmmmmm…Sarah Palin looks kinda hot.

I’d hit that.

But she looks like she could rip the heart out of a moose, show the heart to the moose while the heart was still beating, and eat the heart in front of the moose before it drops dead.

I stole that joke from Jon Stewart.

Ya know, I DVR’ed all the political commercials from the last 6 months. Perhaps I shall watch all of those and get a good grasp on the candidates before I find out who won.

Just turn the DVR on here…. and here we go.

*****MANY EXCRUCIATING HOURS LATER*****

Well, I’m good and negative now. And kinda pissed off.
What else is new?

Well, let’s turn on MSNBC and see who won. They should tell me relatively quickly, because no one but me watches MSNBC.

Huh! Barack Obama? Barack Obama won?

He’s become the nation’s first black President?

But isn’t he a Muslim?
And an Arab?
And an Elitist?
And a Socialist?
And unpatriotic?
And unqualified?
And a promise-breaker?
And a terrorist?

Isn’t he a promise-breaking, unqualified, unpatriotic, Elitist, Muslim, Arab terrorist Socialist?

Huh.

Ya know, if he’s a promise-breaking, unqualified, unpatriotic, Elitist, Muslim, Arab terrorist Socialist… where does he find the time to be black?

Oh well. Seems like a nice guy.

Good for him. I’m going back to bed.

Leebo, if you’re reading this, bring me back some McNuggets.

And no jokes about which part of the McChicken the McNugget comes from either.

That shit gets old.