THE PARTY AVENGER IS A GOLDFISH IN A WINE GLASS...

Hi. Avenger here.
I'd like to take a moment and say to The Big Leeboski...
...my old friend The Big Leeboski...
...ringmaster of The Leebo Show...
...and owner of Web Realms no one frequents....
...well, Leeman, I love ya...
...but you are one hundred percent, without a shadow of a doubt...
...a complete and total goddamned idiot.
Where have you brought me, you jackass?
Elizabethtown, North Carolina.
Well.
What the F.
This is one of those places that really was...
...is...
...and forever shall be nothing.
Nothing.
This place truly meets the bottom of the specifications to classify as "a town".
It has Walmart.
Not Super Walmart.
Just Walmart.
It has Macs.
That's about it.
Ugh.
This place has one bar. One bar.
Let me repeat that.
One.
Bar.
One.
It's the Mexican restaraunt.
The Santa Jose. I think that's what it's called. Who cares?
And I hate it.
It's not a bar. I mean, it is a bar. But they don't care.
They come back and give you a drink once and a while. Maybe.
There's no love. There's no Michelle.
I miss Michelle.
I miss bars.
I hate the Mexican Restaraunt. They look at me like I'm the White Devil in there.
And how do they know I'm white under the mask?
Not that I'm white under the mask, mind you.
Moving on.
Everyone smokes here.
You can smoke everywhere. You can smoke in McDonalds.
You can smoke at the bar in the Santa Jose. I mean if was a bar.
I mean, I think it's called the Santa Jose. Who cares?
I mean, it is a bar, but they don't care. See the previous thought.
Go on. It's up there somewhere.
People here really aren't really very friendly.
They know I'm an outsider.
Mainly because I'm not a deer.
And I don't own a gun.
No one likes me here.
They apparently don't like deer either.
I haven't seen a wall without a deer on it for 14 days.
Don't you Elizabethtown people know who I am?
I'm The Party Avenger. You idiots.
I'M THE PARTY AVENGER. HELLO?
The goddamnned, stylin', profilin'...
...man of the hour...
...too sweet to be sour...
...Party Avenger.
Yeesh, people.
You people have grocery stores that don't sell beer.
They don't sell beer.
The freakin' Scotsman don't sell beer.
I'm sure that would piss a lot of Scotsman off somewhere.
Probably in Scotland.
You people have places to eat, actual restaraunts, that don't sell beer.
Your burger places don't have f-ing fries.
They have something called "chee-yaps".
What the hell are those?
What is wrong with you people?
Listen, In the proper atmo, I'm right where I need to be.
I make it fun. I make it happening.
Here...in Elizabethtown, NC...
...well, they tilt their head...
...and look at me like I'm a masked mini-bigfoot.
I'm not sure what a mini-bigfoot would be.
Maybe an mini-foot.
Now Wilmington... there's a helluva town.
We should be in WILMINGTON.
Glorious Wilmington.
Beach to the East.
Cape Fear to the West.
Party in between.
That's where I belong.
That's where WE belong.
Why didn't you stay there, jackass? That place is fun.
Elizabethtown... not so much.
Now listen up, Leeman. This is very important.
You must get through this season.
So you can get out of here and give me life again.
"Evil" spelled backward is "live".
Why won't you let me live?
I'm dead here, man.
Unless you go to Wimington and stay a night or two, I'm out of here for the next 4-5 weeks.
That's a long time, dude. Life is short.
You can't have fun here. WE can't have fun here.
THERE'S NOWHERE TO HAVE FUN HERE.
Elizabethtown. North Carolina.
You f-ing shmuck.
Oy.
Well, go to McDonalds and get me some McNuggets.
And go through the drive-thru.
They know we're not from here.