I surrender

Attention, Engineers and others like you:

I give up. You win.

My resistance is futile, I shall assimilate myself into your collective. I renounce all that I know and pledge to you the following:

I shall not think... and when I am in danger of thinking I shall call at least 4 people to keep it from escalating.

I shall not act when I can over-analyze every micro-fiber of every problem, delaying even the simplest of action or reaction to the point that it is critical that it should have been acted on yesterday.

I shall not say "idea" when I mean "concept". Because "concept" is YOUR word.

I shall constantly analyze and re-analyze the minute and the meaningless... and I shall create grand discussions about it and its perceived repercussions amongst the disinterested masses. Repercussions, people.

I shall not celebrate my success or the success of others. I shall treat any success as a lucky happenstance considering how inferior we are as a cohesive unit. And I shall worry about those that enjoy each others company "after hours" to the point where we must all work to eliminate "after hours".

I shall not laugh unless I am extremely funny and even then, I will be the judge of that.

I shall drink warm soda and eat cheesy poofs, but I shall indulge in them only on holidays. I shall also work to eliminate holidays.

I shall feel responsible. Even if it was beyond my control. Especially if it was beyond my control. And I will exact repercussions on those I deem responsible besides myself, whether they have responsibility in the matter or not. Said repercussions will not reach me, but others. Repercussions, people.

I shall not trust and no matter how lofty of a position I have, I shall dissect with excrutiating detail any and all records or expenses of those beneath my position. I shall render those who should be monitoring that activity for me useless but I shall pay their salaries anyway.

I shall panic when discretion and dialogue are necessary. I shall guage each problem by the amount of panic I am able to lend to the situation.

I shall berate and belittle when diplomacy is needed to make someone better. I shall also be threatened by people trying to be better. After all, they should have been up to my lofty standards in the first place.

You win. I surrender.

Just kidding.

Bad news, creativity and imagination still live and still thrive. Just not in your world.

And you make me wonder.

And hunger.

For cheezy poofs.